I really like cheese. I’m sure you must’ve picked up on this fact somewhere between the lines of my previous post. And the day cheese and I had to part ways… Well, let’s just say… More
I didn’t do the previus challenges because my blog wasn’t set up then but now it’s up and running so here we go.
You can’t. As a plus size woman you’re not suppose to wear this or that or anything for that matter. Living in a country that I live in it’s so freaking hard where you don’t even have a plus size department in stores moreover a plus size store. Well I’d be lying if I said that so Imma refraze that. There isn’t a department or a store that has nice plus size clothes. Everything is shapeless and looks just terrible and ahh I’m getting of topic.
You can’t wear that. You can’t wear stripes. You can’t wear white you’ll look bigger in that. You can’t wear that tight shirt or skirt or whatever tight.. just no.
To hell with this. Why can’t I? Why shouldn’t I?
Seriously why shouldn’t I wear that?
I like it and I want to wear it and I feel good in it. So tell me why shouldn’t I wear something I really like?
I don’t wear shapewear, hell I don’t even own shapewear. So to hell with rounding out my stomach or whatever. I know I have body issues but that day I felt like wearing that. And I did. And I felt hella good in it.
I just watched High Carb Hannah’s new video where she talkes about body dysmorphia and how she feels she failed at everything she does after losing so much weight and then gaining some of it back because she started lifting weights and all. You can watch her video HERE so you can see what I’m talking about.
I found bits of myself there. Why, you ask? Because something similar happens to me.
I’m trying to lose weight since my early primary school years. I was always the bigger one in my class. In height and in weight, and my weight always varied up and down. I was never skinny or small. But I wasn’t obese either. I was just bigger than anyone my age.
But back to the point of what I wanted to say in this post. As I was watching Hannah’s video I thought to myself I have something similar happening to me.
But it’s the other way around than her. She feels like her body is bigger than it really is. I have the opposite. My mental picture of myself is that my body is smaller than it really is but as I look myself in the mirror, I get not horrified, but close or sad would cover the feeling I feel then.
I think it has something to do with my body confidence or lack thereof. To get really real right now: I can’t stand myself when I look at myself in the whole-length mirror.
And it’s so hard to think about this. I want to wear that dress today. And I want to wear those heels with it. And i’m going to do my hair and make-up and go out and feel good about it all. But as I get ready and am all done up to leave the house I go and check myself out in the mirror. “You look horrible,” I think to myself.
“I can’t go out like that”. Not that I’m dressed inappropriately or anything. I just feel like some gianormous thing wearing a dress or a skirt. So I go and change back to jeans and some big, comfy hoodie and go out like that. Forget the dress. Forget the heels. Jeans and hoodie. Done.
It would be all good if I wouldn’t go and checked myself in the whole-length mirror. Probably.
But then again: my mind would go mad if I didn’t. Because I have to take a final look and see what I look like all done up.
I know this is not rational from my perspective. I know I don’t look that bad and I know that I look good in that dress and in those heels… But, gooosh, it’s hard to step out of my comfort zone.
I know it’s all just in my head and the reality of things is different than the picture in my mind.
I need to get myself under control again. And I need to think better of myself. I need to work on my body image because I know I’m better than this thing that is happening everytime I look in the mirror.
Coffee coffee coffee
I can’t imagine a day without a cup of coffee. Seriously – I don’t. Not that I need it like a crazy person just to wake up in the morning before I start the day. No. I just enjoy my coffe soo much that I don’t go a day without it. Because a day without a coffee is a day lost, and the truth is don’t start real talks with me without a cup of coffee in my sistem.
I think coffee talks are the most important. Well, at least that goes for me and my friend. There is always some serious talk while sipping coffee in the pub we always go after grocery shopping on a Sunday and it is the same pub we usualy complain that the coffee there is not soo good and how we are never going back. But we always go back and always do the same thing over and over and over again 😀 (I guess the coffee there isn’t so bad after all if we keep on going back).
Recently, I bought myself a kafetiera Bialetti Moka Express and let me tell you this: Oh. My. Gosh! This is what I call coffee. No coffee maker gives justice to this coffee right here. (Well that might be a bit harsh but it’s just the way I feel.)
Best. Coffee. Ever.
- I have long red, orange, and blonde hair – in that order, and no, Susan, thanks for asking, but it’s not my natural hair color. (Wtf, Susan…)
- I’m obsessed with tattoos. I have three, and I plan on having many, many….many more. Soon.
- I was bit by a travelling bug when I was a teenager. I’ve been to quite a few European countries so far, but I really want to backpack across USA and explore South America.
- I speak several languages. I’m currently studying Russian, Japanese is next.
- Books are my life. I need to read more than I need air. (Figuratively speaking, of course). I’m a total geek.
- I could cut a b*tch with my sharp wit, and some might say I swear too much, but that’s a f*cking lie. I also have a weird sense of humour which can sometimes lead to people thinking I’m unstable, horrible, or just plain cuckoo. Hee.
- I DESPISE peppers. Stay far away with those f*ckers if you want to continue breathing air through your unbroken nose.
- I have early onset “crazy cat lady” syndrome.
- I love flowers, but I’m a far cry from a girly girl. I’m harder on the outside than on the inside, but you’d still break a tooth if you tried to bite off a piece of my heart.
- I have zero tolerance for hypocrites, loud chewing, and lactose.
Okay… Here we go… This is my first post… And I’m so excited about this that I might just die… Well, not die die…but die…of excitement…or something..
Anyho(w), here goes nothing… Or in this case… Here goes 10 facts about me:
- numero 1: My name is Kate and this is not my real name since I’m posting as an alias.
- numero 2: English is not my first language. Slovenian is my mother tongue, so my English can suck sometimes.
- numero 3: I’ve never been on a plane (yet!), but this is going to change in the oh so near future.
- numero 4: I am not a morning person. Or a night owl, for that matter. I love my bed and I love sleeping. I can basically fall asleep anywhere.
- numero 5: I understand Spanish…but don’t know how to speak it. Ahh, the charm of Spanish telenovelas 😀
- numero 6: My music taste varies depending on the mood I’m in. But usually, it’s rock and all things connected to rock.. but I also listen to country, latin music and pop, and basically all music there is… If it’s good I’m listening to it.
- numero 7: I hate cooking. Like hate it. I’d rather starve to death than go cook myself something to eat.
- numero 8: I love candles. All kinds of candles. Small ones, big ones, smelly ones, non-smelly ones… (What?!) But I have a hard time burning them; like, I have a candle, shaped as a teapot.. (frigging teapot) and just the other day I got the courage to light it (hardest thing I had to do in my life btw). Literally. It just looks soo pretty and all, I don’t want to ruin it by lighting it.
- numero 9: I read a lot. Mostly books, blogs, too… I read almost every book genre, but I prefer fantasy novels and YA.
and last but not least:
- numero 10: I am that person who brings a book to a party. That doesn’t mean that I read at the party… But just in case… I take my Kindle everywhere. Everywhere. 😀